DEAD

"YOU WERE DEAD, YOU KNOW"

GABRIELLE

(SINGING)

You were dead, you know.

Nothing left to show

But some bits and ash,

A few dinars in cash.

No, wait, I kept your toe.

XENA

(SPOKEN)

Why? You couldn't sell it?

(SINGING)

It's hard for me to believe,

You took the time to grieve.

You've sold my things,

My leather g-strings!

And the doll that looked like Eve.

GABRIELLE

(SINGING)

For all I knew you were gone.

I came back all alone.

I had to make do,

With this major screw!

I was trying to move on!

XENA:

Move on? Why?

GABRIELLE

(SPOKEN)

Why??? Because you were...

(SINGING)

Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead dead.

Deceased, dead, killed, dead, dead, dead, dead.

Deady, deady, deady, deady, dammit, you were dead!

XENA

(YELLS)

I know!

Long beat... the music continues repeating the refrain. Xena starts to whistle the chorus. Gabrielle gives her a glare. Xena stops whistling.

XENA (CONT'D)

(SPOKEN)

Well, it is kinda catchy.

(then; SINGING)

You're angry, I can see.

A little pissed at me.

GABRIELLE

Pissed ain't the word!

XENA

(SINGING)

Don't be absurd.

Just agree to disagree.

But you're much too quick to blame,

And play this victim game.

It's just like you,

To cry boo hoo.

Then toss me in a flame.

(SPOKEN)

I mean, it's not even an attractive Urn!

GABRIELLE

(SPOKEN)

You were…!

XENA

(SINGING)

Yes, I was dead, I know.

Now I've a healthy glow!

And I've returned,

Though my body was burned,

Talk about a Healthy Glow!

(SPOKEN)

But I was...

(SINGING)

Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead dead.

Deceased, dead, killed, dead, dead, dead, dead.

Deady, deady, deady, deady, deady, dead dead.

Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead.

Deceased, dead, killed, dead, dead, dead dead.

That's it, that's all, not much to be said.

Dead, dead, dead, dead,